Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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