Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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