Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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