he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
