i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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