i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
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Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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