no, he came in my armpit
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I just sharted jello shots
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