Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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