i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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