I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
As shirtless as possible
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
