I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
