I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
