I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
