how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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