you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
