She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
