He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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