After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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