mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
