It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
