He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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