ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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