I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
