piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
