The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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