does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
