just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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