Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize