btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
