So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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