My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
