You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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