Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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