just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
