currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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