dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
