I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
