I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize