3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it because I queefed?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
