These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
