Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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