What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
