I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
