we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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