I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
