how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
