you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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