I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
