i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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