she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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