Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
