If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My cat gives me a boner
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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