at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
