I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize