proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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