apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
